Christmas Swifties

In what may be the start of a new tradition, I am posting my first Tom Swifties. (If you don't know what a Tom Swifty is, check out Wikipedia or Slate Star Codex.) 

1. "Russia should have two rulers" Tom said bizarrely 
2. "I am going to meditate now" Tom said preemptively
3. "I have a strange burning down there" Tom said candidly
4. "I wouldn't mind getting cannibalized" Tom said mistakenly
5. "I don't think the Virgin Mary went to heaven" Tom said unassumingly
6. "Oh, it's a negligible wound" Tom said in passing
7. "I told you I want my coffee BLACK" Tom screamed bitterly
8. "I should have worn the seat belt" Tom said aerodynamically
9. "I'm stuck" Tom said platonically
10. "God will understand" Tom insinuated
11. "There must be more life in the universe" Tom said misanthropically
12. "Tom said recursively" Tom said recursively
13. "I don't know when I'll be finished" Tom said indecisively
14. "There is no such thing as a first cause" Tom said atomistically
15. "Butt jokes are tired" Tom said analytically
16. "Jokes about butt jokes are better" Tom said meta-analytically
17. "Do I speak or am I spoken?" Language said through Tom
18. "I'm tired of standing" Tom lied
19. "Get that purple zebra away from my wings" Tom said acidly
20. "I will start a multi-million dollar podcast" Tom said arrogantly
21. "You need to warm it up first" Tom scolded
22. "Yes, I am connecting from the US" Tom said approximately
23. "One of you shall betray me" Tom said crucially
24. "I offer one hundred more" Tom said morbidly
25. "What's your IQ, 100?" Tom asked meanly
26. "Germany should abandon the euro" Tom remarked
27. "All we see or seem... A dream within a dream" Tom said poetically

BONUS:

"I'll reach that turtle in the end" Achilles said half-heartedly.